


Truth

by PinetreeVillain



Series: Not a Vampire, a Gladiator [2]
Category: Battleborn
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Loooots of Angst, M/M, the truth comes out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 19:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10997655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinetreeVillain/pseuds/PinetreeVillain
Summary: All of Rath's worries and fears become splayed out for everyone to see...Only because she said his name.





	Truth

**Author's Note:**

> WELL FUCK
> 
> I apologize for that long ass wait- I have SEVERAL OF THESE already written but not way to post them! My computer is dead as shit so I've finally fixed myself to use my phone. 
> 
> It's not terrible it's just less than preferred. 
> 
> Anyway here's this. 
> 
> Do me a favor and point out any errors there might be and do give me some feedback!

"Verod," Lenore spoke lightly as if just realizing something. She had her back to him, black hair plastered to her copper back like a metal plate. Water dripped from the tub's faucet. The movement of her wrists disturbed the water. 

There was an answering rustle of armor from the door. 

Rath kept his eyes trained on her back, a sight granted only to those who held her trust. It made his stomach hurt. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. 

"You've been acting odd." The silence after hurt his ears, heart pounding in his chest, the steamy air suffocating. He was foolish to think she wouldn't notice. He knew he was being uncharacteristically skittish. He knew he was acting off. His performance was poor, poor in comparison to what it should be, shameful to what it was known to be before he even knew what Caldarius looked like-

"What's wrong?" Lenore's voice lifted casually as she sat up, lathering her arms in soap. Rath bit the inside of his cheek. He wouldn't answer. The amount of shame and disgust with himself he would feel at openly admitting his betrayal would surely kill him. His heart ached, slamming in his rib cage. 

"Nothing, Empress," He answered at last. His eyes studied the rivulets of water sliding down her dark back. He waited for her answer, realizing her hesitation was because of his own hesitation. 

Empress Lenore washed her arms free of suds. Her fingers kneaded cotton scented bubbles into her hair. It smeared on across her shoulders. After several considerate moments, she sank back into the water, her nose just above the surface. Such trust she had in him, exposed and vulnerable to absolutely anything without her heavy armor to provide the protective barrier between her life and a killing blow. She could have had her entire army guarding her as she bathed, but instead, she needed only Rath. 

A splash of water saw Lenore standing. Rath watched a maid hurry over with a towel to offer it to her. Lenore waved a hand at the maid, gesturing towards Rath. He took the towel when it was handed to him and he moved to fold it over her. Instead, she grabbed his wrist with a wet hand, keeping him rooted to the spot. 

"Rath." Her voice was firm, expression unyielding. "You're hurting." 

The worst part about being so close to the Empress on a daily basis was that it made them familiar with one another. Verod could hide absolutely nothing from her. He was an open book to her and nothing frightened him more than that. 

"I-I'm not sure what you mean..." Shit, he stuttered. Shit, shit, shit-

"I can see it in your eyes, in your gait." Lenore wrapped herself in the towel. Every molecule in his body writhed in agony. Empress Lenore stepped out of the tub. She turned to face him properly. "You've been distant. Even more so since I sent the gladiator to the regiment."

She hit the nail on the head so precisley that Rath snapped ram rod straight. 

"You're behavior, when I carried the order out, was very troubling. It almost made me reconsider sending him off with the Shock Troopers."

Rath took great care into avoiding eye contact. 

It turned out to be another mistake. 

"Verod." She knew how much using his first name affected. Every time she said it his knees got weaker and it got harder and harder to keep lying to her. His throat was dry but he wanted was dry but he wanted to scream. "What is troubling?"

He could not look away from her. He swallowed thickly, trying to control himself. 

"I," He had to stop, voice weak. He swallowed again. "I'm fine." 

How dare he lie to her face? How _dare_ he? It was one thing to go behind her back and indulge in his disgraceful pleasures, but to look her in the eye and _lie_. 

And as he knew her so well for, she saw right through it. Her face fell and she leaned away. 

"And so you continue to lie."

"What?" Why 'what'? Shock that she knew? Hysteria, that's what choked his throat. Everything started melting and his hands shook. 

"I'd had suspicions. You were more secretive than I have ever seen you." Her voice was steady, an immovable pillar in his deteriorating world. "Your reaction at his trial confirmed them."

Everything got bigger, or he got smaller, no, he was on his knees. Pitiful, shamefully trying to hold noise in. He'd never felt so out of control of a situation - it was slipping out of his fingers just like it always had been; he'd just been lying to himself, telling himself everything was fine while the world burned down around him, fire melting his flesh and destroying his stable structure. 

"I'm disappointed in you, Verod. You and I both know you're above this."

He did know. He _did know_. He knew he was, he used to be. He knew what he had been doing was wrong, it was disgusting. He had been a vision, the definition, the picture of the empire, and he _defiled_ that honor. He wanted every statue of his face torn down, every picture, every portrait. He didn't want to see his name on the plaque he shared with the Keeper's. He shouldn't be here, he should be in the Pit. He shouldn't be crumpled at the Empress's feet as if he were about to beg her forgiveness. 

_"I could not begin to list the number of laws you've carelessly broken,"_ Lenore began, her tone scathing and it hit him like a physical blow. _"You've committed treason by assisting a criminal, lying to your people, your Keepers, and me. You've engaged in forbidden activities with that of the lowest caste. You have been convicted of high treason against the Jennerit Empire, and therefore..."_ Silence filled the room, for nobody had spoke but the claws of his blackening mind and he couldn't bare it any longer. He stared at her bare feet, wishing he would be crushed. 

"I am guilty of crimes against the Empire." He cracked and suddenly could not stop. "I've been seeing the Gladiator for _months_. Maybe more, I've lost track of time. I've been sneaking passed the guards and tampering with security footage. I've _lied to everyone of my Keepers and to you._ I've slept with him and altered information to keep him in an advantageous position since the moment he was moved to the Palace Ring. I......"

He stopped, forcing himself not to say anymore. There were so many things he could say, but not that. 

"I'm guilty of treason. What I've done is disgraceful. I..... I accept all punishment." He was shaking. As horrible as it felt, he felt so much lighter, the kind of light you get from intense vertigo. 

Yet the silence still pounded in his ears and it crippled him. He stayed kneeling on the ground. 

Then he nearly jumped ten feet out of his skin when her arms were around him. 

He had no idea what was happening. 

"No, Verod," Lenore whispered in his ear. "No, it's not disgraceful."

There was a vulnerability in her voice that scared him more than anything else. 

"Did you love him?" She asked. 

That didn't make any sense. In fact, it made so little sense that he made a tortured sound, a cross between a laugh and a sob. From the moment Caldarius pulled him out of the Pit, everything was jerked hilariously out of place where it wasn't even recognizable anymore. He couldn't remember where everything was anymore, only a vague memory of how it was. Not even the people were the same anymore. They were just cardboard silhouettes, faceless and ignorant to the atrocities going on around them. He'd been living a life of secrecy, full of lies and deception and twisted truths. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been in the forge, organized any tools, repaired any weapons. He couldn't remember the last time he sat with any of the Keepers, exchanging their days and their tasks. He couldn't remember where he moved his personal things, couldn't remember which room they were in, he'd fallen asleep in the Guild lounge and Caldarius's arms so many times he doesn't remember what his bed feels like. 

Gods, he wasn't even the same person anymore. 

_What the fuck._

He wondered if this was what dissociating felt like, if that was what was happening to him. He must finally be broken, his sanity finally gave. 

"I did." It might have been a howl, it might have been a whisper. It made Lenore jerk and hold him tighter and made him angry. " _I still do_!"

"I know," Lenore sighed. 

"It's horrible!" Rath suddenly wanted her away, didn't want her to touch him. "It's disgusting-!"

"No!" Lenore wrenched away and grabbed his head in her strong palms. "It isn't! Verod Rath, you are the only thing for the years you've been employed, that I have been able to count on as stable ground. The Keepers of the Blade rely on your anchorage for their strength and control. You ground every man, woman, and undistinguished guardsman without even realizing it. You perhaps have more power than Lothar, maybe even myself with their trust in your influence alone. I hold you above Lothar. I _treasure_ you. You have gone above and beyond and ask for _nothing_ in return. The fact that you _have something_ that you've truly wanted for the first time, makes me so happy. The fact that you think you shouldn't have it brings me physical agony."

"B-but he-"

"I don't care." She shook him, emphasizing her words. She looked so sad suddenly. So frustrated. She dropped her hands to his shoulders and pulled him gently against her again and Rath found it the most stable thing he'd felt in ages. "He was yours, and you were his."

Lenore seemed to breath but Rath felt numb. 

"I am so sorry, Verod."


End file.
